What are two of the most common questions that are running through people’s heads while dating?
1. Where is it all going?
2. Is he/she the right one?
You know what they say: if you’re to marry this person, your heart, head and groin have to agree.
Whether or not you have chemistry with a person, you’ll find out pretty soon and you should. So if you met online, don’t waste your time on chatting and meet in person as soon as possible. A person may look perfect on the paper but you won’t have any chemistry. It goes the other way around as well.
What about your heart? This one is big, actually. We often hear “know it in your heart” and “follow your heart.” But what does it really mean?
The truth is that it’s the first system that will give you the message. So pay close attention to the first five minutes of interaction when you just meet somebody. Sometimes it’s a feeling of fear, joy, excitement, intolerance or anxiety, among others. Sometimes it might be an actual word or thought that popped up in your head. You can call it intuition, the holy spirit, the universe or anything you’d like, but your heart really will give you a clue of what to expect right away. I can assure you it will prove to be right in the end, no matter how your story unfolds. Again, you’ll feel it only during actual meeting and not through the computer screen.
Now the head check.
Some people lose their mind and are completely driven by the chemistry, and others are too analytical, no matter what their heart is telling them. To ease your doubts, I’ll list five questions you can ask yourself, and as you’ll see, it has nothing to do with common interests but rather about the way you feel when you’re with this person.
1. Does this person support my standards and values?
You actually need to ask this one early on, when you just start dating and you’re still able to hold onto your wits. On your first few dates, casually ask questions like, “Do you think same faith is important in relationships, what do you believe in?”, “Do you believe in marriage?”, “Do you like kids?” The list can go on forever, but the focal point is to ask about things that are super important to you and you know you won’t compromise entirely.
2. Do I feel positive, in a good mood, or inspired when I’m with this person?
I know a lady who even designed an app to track this down. You just mark how you feel every day for a few months and then see if you have more positive or negative days. It’s amazing how it all gets clear with some structure.
3. Do they inspire me to reach my highest potential?
I believe in healthy relationships both people need to keep growing. It will not only make you feel good about yourself, but it will nurture your relationship as well.
4. Do they move me closer to my desired lifestyle?
Lifestyle issues create a lot of arguments. It’s closely connected with your values. So if one wants to live quietly in the country and the other is a social butterfly who has never missed a single party, there could be some issues in the future. Or if one wants to settle down and the other wants to go world trotting, well you get the idea. So see if it’s possible to meet somewhere in the middle.
5. Is my life improving because of them?
I’m not talking about using the other person to solve your problems. Helping each other is OK, but codependence is not. You’re partners of the same team and it just makes sense that together you will create more than by yourself. It’s not necessarily financial contributions. There are also non-tangible benefits.
I often hear from singles that they have no time for a relationship because they want to focus on their studies or career and falling in love will be a distraction. This is such a shame! The truth is, when you’re in the right relationship you’re actually growing as a person far faster! You don’t have to get married or have children, but having a soulmate who is supporting you and cheering for you at your every little success is a great treasure. So don’t shut yourself down for this opportunity!
If you’re struggling with finding that special person or confused in your current relationships, get in touch with us for a consultation. Relationships do get messy at times, but with guidance and dedication you can make your story wonderfully distinct.
Kate Khmel, Founder of Sugar Land Matchmakers